It's a dreary fall day here in TX and I am taking this day to do some reflection and some knitting for the upcoming holidays. I so enjoy a day where I can sit and relax with no one needing me to do anything or be anywhere. I have a pot of Veggie soup in the crockpot creating a wonderful fragrance throughout the house. It will make for a wonderful dinner.
I want to share with you a bit of a set back that I have had this week and the awarenesses that I have come to as well. My 19 year old son has decided to move out and go back to Vegas which was home for him most of his life. It is so funny that all our lives are spent training our children and teaching them the "right" things or rather what we think are the right things for them to do only to be upset when they do just that. I guess that I am the one that was not ready for him to move out. After all he is only 19. I mean at 19 I had been out on my own over a year and working two jobs and living in my own apartment. I was also engaged to be married and then married at 20. Looking back now I think to myself-"what was I thinking?" I had no idea what life would have in store for me and he doesn't either. That is what makes life such a great adventure. Maybe that is why I am so sad--because I see so much of myself in him. I grabbed life by the horns and just "went for it". I am really going to miss that young man around here. Or is it that he is my baby boy? The youngest boy. Isn't it funny that he is all moved out and the two older boys 22 and 24 yrs aren't even thinking about moving out? Life is funny
: )
Now that I have explained all of that I need to be clear about my realization and that is that once he called and let me know that he is staying in Vegas to live. I began eating everything in sight for the last four days. I knew in my head that I should stop and yet the hand to mouth action just kept going. I was stuffing, stuffing, stuffing. I was eating carmel corn, candy and cooked food. Nachos, grilled cheese etc. etc. and the list goes on and on. Then this morning when I got on the scale and saw that five (yes I said five) pounds had come on I must admit I was shocked. How could this happen. What takes me weeks to lose even one or two pounds and five come back in four days. How is that even possible? It certainly isn't at all fair. Now I am hoping that this is alot of water weight and today I am doing a complete water fast and not even thinking about food. I made a lovely soup for the family and will drink my water while they eat it in hopes that I will let go of this weight that plummeted back onto my thighs. I recognize that I ate in order to push away the emotions that I was feeling. I really wanted to cry and couldn't let myself do it. I had to be strong, afterall, isn't that what kids are supposed to do? Grow up and move on. I just didn't expect it to be without warning or planning. Now let's be real, in life, how much do we really plan? We try and yet I believe there is some joke about making plans in life and they never turn out as we expect them to. And therein lies the problem---expectations. I have expectations of what something is supposed to be like or turn out like, etc. I need to learn to expect nothing and be surprised and enjoy everything. I definitely had an expectation that the scale would go up and yet the expectation was not that it would have gone up so much. Am I making sense here? I know that I have some more work to do around this issue and I also know that awareness is 90% of the battle. Now that I am aware of what has been feeding my issue this time I can better deal with it.
SO, for today I am back on the wagon so to speak. I am re-focusing and getting clear again and focusing on MY outcome and what MY goal is for my body. Recognizing that it is my responsibility for only myself and not my son or anyone else.
In the knitting department, I am doing pretty great. I have finished the test knit and it is off to the designer. I am almost finished with the back to a sweater that I started last week. Only a few more rows and then I will be casting on for the sleeves or the fronts, I haven't decided which yet. I have not bought any new yarn as of late. I have been dreaming about it though. A friend emailed me this week about a coat kit I had inquired about quite some time ago. I had put it out of my mind for several reasons. One that it is quite expensive and the other that it will take quite a bit of time, maybe years to knit this lovely coat. (lots and I mean lots of intarsia) (7000yds of yarn) UGH! However, the coat is a work of art and one of the most lovely things I have ever seen. Anyway I am actually contemplating it again. I have been reading all of the posts from Rhinebeck and I keep thinking how beautiful I would be walking through Rhinebeck next year wearing this coat sporting my new body. I don't know. I am taking this matter into deep meditation and doing some serious prayer work. Feel free to join me in this matter. I also keep thinking that if I buy this sweater coat yarn, I would have WAY less yarn money for shopping next year and then I think, well, I do have a year to save. I can really find ways to justify this in my head-can't you just hear it in my words that I'm typing? teehee! I am still working toward my goal of getting Christmas knitting done and all of my other projects off the needles for the new year. It's weird to think that I only have two months to do this. I am trudging forward and I know that I am doing my best!!! I will keep you posted on my progress. Is anyone else contemplating my New Year's resolution as well?
More next week on how getting back to raw goes for me. Sending out love and light!
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Confessions of a Yarnaholic
Well here I am a couple of weeks since the last post and I am pleased to report in that I am officially down 25 pounds!!! Yes, I did say 25 pounds. I hit the 25 pound mark on this past Sunday. That being said I now have 98.5 pds til my goal. I have continued to juice for two meals and then for the third I am either eating raw or doing a raw soup in the Vitamix. I feel great!!! Bonus from eating Raw is that I feel more clear. I actually have been going through some emotional highs and lows though too. There are times when I feel like the flood gates are about to open and the tears start and then I have moments of pure elation and joy. I imagine that this is continuing to be part of the detox portion of the food changes. I know that in the ebook Raw Emotions that Angela speaks about the emotional detoxing lasting for quite a few months. And in fact, I think she actually said that it didn't start right away. It was about 2 to 3 months into the change of eating that it started for her. I definitely feel some of my feelings of loss from the move surfacing as well. I think about my friends and the relationships that I had in KY a lot. I really miss my friends there. They were so awesome and so supportive. It's funny but I have also been focusing on my spirituality quite a bit as well. I find that there is a part of me yearning to be expressed spiritually as well. I have been spending more time in the silence and in meditation. For me, sometimes I fight going through the emotions thinking I should do it later when I have more time to deal with it. What I am noticing though is that if I spend a little time with the emotion and check in and see where it's root is I can actually work through it and get to the other side. For now that is working. I wonder if as I go deeper and deeper into detox if it will get harder because I can only guess what some of these buried emotions that I have stuffed might be. Time will tell and I won't rush it. My body will heal at it's own pace one day at a time.
One interesting thought that I just had is that while the weight is lightening up I have "cheated" on the fiber fast. Hmmmmm, what do you suppose that is all about? This past weekend was the annual Best Little Yarn Crawl in TX. It was a four day crawl around to 10 yarn stores in the Austin/ San Antonio area. What fun it was. It was my first yarn crawl ever. I worked at the shop where I teach for two of the days and then the other two days I did the crawl. I made it to all 10 stores and I am planning on the winning the big prize of a $500 gift certificate. WooHoo. While on my journey to these 10 stores I succumbed to the temptation, I blew it! I am a true yarn a holic! I purchased a couple of things, I broke the fast. In my defense they were things that I had never seen before and can not get at my local yarn shop. I know that is not really justification for breaking my fast but it's the best I can do. I thought that I could wrap it and put it under the Christmas tree from my family. That is just another way for me to justify it though, isn't it? The crawl was quite an experience. You get in your car and you strategically plan your route. One day I went north and the last day I went south. Super fun! I went by myself because I didn't really know anyone to go with. I can tell you that it would be a blast with a group of girlfriends and I hope that next year I will have someone to go with. For now I am back on the fasting wagon. I have to tell you that it has been an interesting journey this fall. I am doing a test knit that is taking me a fair bit of time. More than usual. Not because it is hard but because it is tedious and has patterning on both sides and tons of cables. It is gorgeous though! Can't wait until the designer reveals it. Last week I took a break to knit a shawl for the yarn crawl for the shop to use as a display model and I finished it in 8 days, which made me feel accomplished and now I am back to the test knit. As soon as the test knit is finished I will get back to Christmas knitting and cleaning off my needles for 12/31/12 so that I can start the new year off clean. I am so excited about that!!!
I trust that your Fall is bring much beauty and joy to your life as the seasons begin to change. I'll be in touch soon!
One interesting thought that I just had is that while the weight is lightening up I have "cheated" on the fiber fast. Hmmmmm, what do you suppose that is all about? This past weekend was the annual Best Little Yarn Crawl in TX. It was a four day crawl around to 10 yarn stores in the Austin/ San Antonio area. What fun it was. It was my first yarn crawl ever. I worked at the shop where I teach for two of the days and then the other two days I did the crawl. I made it to all 10 stores and I am planning on the winning the big prize of a $500 gift certificate. WooHoo. While on my journey to these 10 stores I succumbed to the temptation, I blew it! I am a true yarn a holic! I purchased a couple of things, I broke the fast. In my defense they were things that I had never seen before and can not get at my local yarn shop. I know that is not really justification for breaking my fast but it's the best I can do. I thought that I could wrap it and put it under the Christmas tree from my family. That is just another way for me to justify it though, isn't it? The crawl was quite an experience. You get in your car and you strategically plan your route. One day I went north and the last day I went south. Super fun! I went by myself because I didn't really know anyone to go with. I can tell you that it would be a blast with a group of girlfriends and I hope that next year I will have someone to go with. For now I am back on the fasting wagon. I have to tell you that it has been an interesting journey this fall. I am doing a test knit that is taking me a fair bit of time. More than usual. Not because it is hard but because it is tedious and has patterning on both sides and tons of cables. It is gorgeous though! Can't wait until the designer reveals it. Last week I took a break to knit a shawl for the yarn crawl for the shop to use as a display model and I finished it in 8 days, which made me feel accomplished and now I am back to the test knit. As soon as the test knit is finished I will get back to Christmas knitting and cleaning off my needles for 12/31/12 so that I can start the new year off clean. I am so excited about that!!!
I trust that your Fall is bring much beauty and joy to your life as the seasons begin to change. I'll be in touch soon!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Conscious Awareness
I have been meaning to get to this blog for over a week now. I never know how often is an appropriate amount of time to go in between blogs. I guess I think there should be some magic formula to follow. Since it is early morning here in TX and my thoughts are about what has been going on with my body it must be the appropriate time to blog. Today is day 12 of juicing. Yes, I took the plunge and began juicing after I got back and got settled from my trip to KY. I am officially 16 pounds closer to my goal. Speaking of goals I did some re-evaluating about my goal. This is what I was thinking. I really have a set goal weight that I ultimately am choosing to weigh and it is a little more than the 100 pounds that originally set out to lighten up. It is actually 123.5 pds that I am intending to lighten up and so I have decided to embrace the final goal rather than 100 pds I am going for the full 123.5. Whoohoo--Yay me. If I look at it percentage wise I have already lightened up a little over 10%. How cool is that?
After my friend left nearly two weeks ago I joined a group that Tera Warner has on emotional eating and cravings. I read Angela Stokes Monarchs book called Raw emotions from cover to cover in a day and a half. It was very eye opening for me to read someone elses journey and see how similar our patterns are. This book was part of Tera program. Included in the program are various other reading materials and audio clips to listen to, teleseminars and conference calls re: emotional eating. I learned so much from them and will continue to replay them and re-read the books and booklets as well.
It's funny going back to juicing which I have done for about 2 weeks one other time in my life, all you do is drink. All day long. Juice, water, juice, water and of course go to the bathroom a lot too. : )
I am getting close to the two week mark and I am not sure how long I will stay on the juice. Everyday I think, will this be the day? I am just waiting for my body to tell me. Some days I feel like I am hungry and then I drink and I am fine. It's funny, for so many years I just ate my way through my days. I never truly knew whether I was hungry or not. I ate out of habit, I ate out of fear and I ate when I was happy, I ate when I was sad. Any excuse and I was eating. The whole time I was unconsciously doing that I was covering up things that I didn't really want to look at. Emotions that I didn't really want to feel. Now I am focusing on conscious eating and really paying attention to how I FEEL while I am eating instead of just doing the whole hand to mouth action out of habit. I intend to transition to completely raw food once the juice fast is over. I know that I feel best when I am putting live foods into my body. The cool thing is that I can already see a difference in my skin. I can tell on my forehead that my digestion is already returning to balance and the congestion between the eyes is smoothing out. I love that! I love how our body gives us clues as to how it is doing if only we pay attention to what it wants. For so long I have not paid attention and while it does no one any good to dwell on the past--I am sorry that I have neglected my body for so long. Neglecting my body has had consequences. I had to have my gall bladder removed in Jan of this year. That was a sign of toxicity built up inside. Appendicitis is also another sign that toxins are built up in our bodies. Most of the symptoms we have when our bodies are out of balance are just a way of our body telling us that we are out of balance and that it's time to do something about it. Do we really listen to our bodies or do we find a way to cover up the symptoms by taking another pill or potion? I think that our bodies are amazing and if we treat them just a little kinder they will continue to support us in this wonderful lifetime.
I have been knitting a test knit for a designer and the project is a wonderful wrap. This particular project has taken me far longer than I intended. It is full of wonderful patterns and cables which accounts for the extra time it has taken to knit it. I have been working hard on it as I have been juicing and I have thought that when I finally finish my test knit maybe I would end my juicing as well. It would be symbolic of finishing something and moving on to a new thing. I know that sounds kinda goofy. I had a goal to have it finished by this weekend and due to Olympic knitting and a trip back to KY my deadline is not going to be met. I figure that I have about 25 hours of knitting, at least, left to go. It keeps going on and on. That figures out to be quite a number of days left to work on it depending on the other things going on in my life and when I can get a few minutes to sit down and knit on it. I don't know if I will continue to juice that long or not--time will tell. I'll keep you posted. Once I finish this project I have a shawl to knit for the shawl exchange and then I am back to my plan of getting everything off my needles by Dec. 31 so I can start the new year off with a new project. I went over my lists yesterday and looked at all of the wonderful projects I have in my stash to knit and I have to say that it is sooooo super exciting to think of starting something new. I do have a few things that I have promised to knit for other people as well and I am excited that I will finally get to start on them as well. Yippee!
I still spend my fair share of time on the internet cruising Ravelry and all of my other favorite fiber sites such as Briar Rose, Miss Babs, Skeins ( have you seen their top drawer sock? AMAZING) and Fiber Optic and I am dreaming of new yarns to try and new patterns to add to my queue. I love dreaming and imagining because it stretches me. It allows me to look at things in a new way and see the possibilities that I might never have thought of before. During all of my exploring I look at the Rhinebeck site and I see all of the wonderful things that will be happening this year and I can't wait for next year!!! I am so excited within myself and I keep thinking of how I might win the lottery and then I could go this year. Doesn't that sound like a plan? I keep buying my lottery tickets : ) I know that knitting my stash down will allow and create more space for new to come in and that, too, is exciting. So unless the lottery comes through I will continue to wait for next year and I will know that Rhinebeck will wait for me and it will be even more wonderful than I imagined.
I will continue to take each day as it comes and remain as conscious as possible about my body and my stash and for today that's all I have. I will keep you posted and let you know how it goes.
After my friend left nearly two weeks ago I joined a group that Tera Warner has on emotional eating and cravings. I read Angela Stokes Monarchs book called Raw emotions from cover to cover in a day and a half. It was very eye opening for me to read someone elses journey and see how similar our patterns are. This book was part of Tera program. Included in the program are various other reading materials and audio clips to listen to, teleseminars and conference calls re: emotional eating. I learned so much from them and will continue to replay them and re-read the books and booklets as well.
It's funny going back to juicing which I have done for about 2 weeks one other time in my life, all you do is drink. All day long. Juice, water, juice, water and of course go to the bathroom a lot too. : )
I am getting close to the two week mark and I am not sure how long I will stay on the juice. Everyday I think, will this be the day? I am just waiting for my body to tell me. Some days I feel like I am hungry and then I drink and I am fine. It's funny, for so many years I just ate my way through my days. I never truly knew whether I was hungry or not. I ate out of habit, I ate out of fear and I ate when I was happy, I ate when I was sad. Any excuse and I was eating. The whole time I was unconsciously doing that I was covering up things that I didn't really want to look at. Emotions that I didn't really want to feel. Now I am focusing on conscious eating and really paying attention to how I FEEL while I am eating instead of just doing the whole hand to mouth action out of habit. I intend to transition to completely raw food once the juice fast is over. I know that I feel best when I am putting live foods into my body. The cool thing is that I can already see a difference in my skin. I can tell on my forehead that my digestion is already returning to balance and the congestion between the eyes is smoothing out. I love that! I love how our body gives us clues as to how it is doing if only we pay attention to what it wants. For so long I have not paid attention and while it does no one any good to dwell on the past--I am sorry that I have neglected my body for so long. Neglecting my body has had consequences. I had to have my gall bladder removed in Jan of this year. That was a sign of toxicity built up inside. Appendicitis is also another sign that toxins are built up in our bodies. Most of the symptoms we have when our bodies are out of balance are just a way of our body telling us that we are out of balance and that it's time to do something about it. Do we really listen to our bodies or do we find a way to cover up the symptoms by taking another pill or potion? I think that our bodies are amazing and if we treat them just a little kinder they will continue to support us in this wonderful lifetime.
I have been knitting a test knit for a designer and the project is a wonderful wrap. This particular project has taken me far longer than I intended. It is full of wonderful patterns and cables which accounts for the extra time it has taken to knit it. I have been working hard on it as I have been juicing and I have thought that when I finally finish my test knit maybe I would end my juicing as well. It would be symbolic of finishing something and moving on to a new thing. I know that sounds kinda goofy. I had a goal to have it finished by this weekend and due to Olympic knitting and a trip back to KY my deadline is not going to be met. I figure that I have about 25 hours of knitting, at least, left to go. It keeps going on and on. That figures out to be quite a number of days left to work on it depending on the other things going on in my life and when I can get a few minutes to sit down and knit on it. I don't know if I will continue to juice that long or not--time will tell. I'll keep you posted. Once I finish this project I have a shawl to knit for the shawl exchange and then I am back to my plan of getting everything off my needles by Dec. 31 so I can start the new year off with a new project. I went over my lists yesterday and looked at all of the wonderful projects I have in my stash to knit and I have to say that it is sooooo super exciting to think of starting something new. I do have a few things that I have promised to knit for other people as well and I am excited that I will finally get to start on them as well. Yippee!
I still spend my fair share of time on the internet cruising Ravelry and all of my other favorite fiber sites such as Briar Rose, Miss Babs, Skeins ( have you seen their top drawer sock? AMAZING) and Fiber Optic and I am dreaming of new yarns to try and new patterns to add to my queue. I love dreaming and imagining because it stretches me. It allows me to look at things in a new way and see the possibilities that I might never have thought of before. During all of my exploring I look at the Rhinebeck site and I see all of the wonderful things that will be happening this year and I can't wait for next year!!! I am so excited within myself and I keep thinking of how I might win the lottery and then I could go this year. Doesn't that sound like a plan? I keep buying my lottery tickets : ) I know that knitting my stash down will allow and create more space for new to come in and that, too, is exciting. So unless the lottery comes through I will continue to wait for next year and I will know that Rhinebeck will wait for me and it will be even more wonderful than I imagined.
I will continue to take each day as it comes and remain as conscious as possible about my body and my stash and for today that's all I have. I will keep you posted and let you know how it goes.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Do Over's
Well here I am in Sept. and I think about all of the time that has passed since my last blog, one month I think and I realize that it's time for a "do-over". As a parent I have given my children many chances to have do overs, and now I think that it is time for me to give one to myself. So if you can all handle it I am going to do a "do-over"
I have only managed to keep 1 and 1/2 pounds off from my last post over a month ago. So right there that tells you that I have not stuck to my eating regimen. In fact, I have taken carte blanche to eat whatever I have wanted to and I justified it by saying I am moving again and by moving again I had to move my son here to TX from KY. For me that meant flying to KY and getting the car ready and then driving back to TX. We all know that it is never as easy to stay on target when you are eating out all of the time and are at different peoples houses.
While in KY I went to North Carolina to the Unique Sheep retreat and had an absolute blast!!! I am already looking forward to returning to the retreat next year. Merike Saarniit was our knitting teacher and she was amazing and I learned so many new things!!! She is teaching on a cruise to the Baltic Sea next August and I am dreaming about how I can be a student on her cruise. Maybe if I just teach a few more classes and get another job I can swing it financially. What do you think? Not only is Merike teaching but Anna Zilboorg is also teaching too. What a dynamic duo!!!! I must find a way to go, that's all there is to it! Perhaps it could be a gift to myself when I meet my goal? Hmmmm that is a thought, and definitely a wonderful incentive to reach my goal.
I must tell you about my fiber fast and let you know how it's going. I picked up some yarns that I had ordered from my LYS in KY before the fast started and they came in and the shop held them for me until I returned. There were 4 skeins. One is for my daughter to knit her a pair of socks for Christmas and the other 3 are for a shawl. The colors are beautiful, they are from three irish girls, so of course they are lovely. And I must just say that the only thing I purchased from the retreat was one set of pima cotton to go with the another set that I already have from the smell the roses club that I belong to. I can make a larger shawl with the yarn by adding both sets together. Merike, who designed the shawl was wearing her shawl at the retreat and she had made it bigger for herself and I loved it and thought that I would love to make my shawl bigger like hers so as luck would have it Kelly had an extra set of the pima cotton and I was able to score it and now I will have an amazing shawl like Merikes. I know that technically that was breaking the fast and yet you have to tell me that you would have made the same choice that I did. Plus I do just have to tell you that my fiber fast buddy has been way worse than me. She has "caved" several times so I don't feel too guilty. So I guess it's time for a "do-over" for the fiber fast as well.
Today I went to the outlet malls in San Marcos to do some shopping with my friend and my daughter. My daughters birthday is coming up soon and I wanted to get some ideas for her gifts. I guess I am in somewhat of a contemplative mood today, and I just have to say that as I sat on a bench waiting for my daughter to come out of a store I was people watching. I tend to do that when I am just waiting. I often times wonder about the people that I am watching. I wonder about their lives, what they do, where they live and what kinds of hopes and dreams they have. I imagine them to have lives very similar to mine. I also must confess that I look at the womens bodies and I wonder if they are happy with them. I look at thin women and overweight women as well. I know some overweight women who are very happy with their weight and then I know some very thin women who are very unhappy with their bodies. I honestly believe that we all have our own challenges and what I think about myself is all that really matters. It doesn't really work to compare myself to someone else or wish I were someone else, because in reality I might be way unhappier in their skin. Why is it that we judge others by looks? I know that I am just as guilty as the next person for looking at a person and judging them. It is not for me to judge anyone and yet I think it is human nature to do that. I have decided that every time I catch myself judging either someone else, or myself I will stop and send a blessing instead. I think that it is important for each of us to become a better observer of our thoughts. My goal for this coming week is to become a better observer of my thoughts. I challenge all of you reading to do the same and when observing, offer compassion and love instead of judgement.
I have learned along the way during this life, that when we give up something in our lives that we no longer desire, it is important to take on something that we do desire. As I let go of the judgement about my body, I am choosing to take on loving affirmations about my body. After all, it is the only body that I have.
I have only managed to keep 1 and 1/2 pounds off from my last post over a month ago. So right there that tells you that I have not stuck to my eating regimen. In fact, I have taken carte blanche to eat whatever I have wanted to and I justified it by saying I am moving again and by moving again I had to move my son here to TX from KY. For me that meant flying to KY and getting the car ready and then driving back to TX. We all know that it is never as easy to stay on target when you are eating out all of the time and are at different peoples houses.
While in KY I went to North Carolina to the Unique Sheep retreat and had an absolute blast!!! I am already looking forward to returning to the retreat next year. Merike Saarniit was our knitting teacher and she was amazing and I learned so many new things!!! She is teaching on a cruise to the Baltic Sea next August and I am dreaming about how I can be a student on her cruise. Maybe if I just teach a few more classes and get another job I can swing it financially. What do you think? Not only is Merike teaching but Anna Zilboorg is also teaching too. What a dynamic duo!!!! I must find a way to go, that's all there is to it! Perhaps it could be a gift to myself when I meet my goal? Hmmmm that is a thought, and definitely a wonderful incentive to reach my goal.
I must tell you about my fiber fast and let you know how it's going. I picked up some yarns that I had ordered from my LYS in KY before the fast started and they came in and the shop held them for me until I returned. There were 4 skeins. One is for my daughter to knit her a pair of socks for Christmas and the other 3 are for a shawl. The colors are beautiful, they are from three irish girls, so of course they are lovely. And I must just say that the only thing I purchased from the retreat was one set of pima cotton to go with the another set that I already have from the smell the roses club that I belong to. I can make a larger shawl with the yarn by adding both sets together. Merike, who designed the shawl was wearing her shawl at the retreat and she had made it bigger for herself and I loved it and thought that I would love to make my shawl bigger like hers so as luck would have it Kelly had an extra set of the pima cotton and I was able to score it and now I will have an amazing shawl like Merikes. I know that technically that was breaking the fast and yet you have to tell me that you would have made the same choice that I did. Plus I do just have to tell you that my fiber fast buddy has been way worse than me. She has "caved" several times so I don't feel too guilty. So I guess it's time for a "do-over" for the fiber fast as well.
Today I went to the outlet malls in San Marcos to do some shopping with my friend and my daughter. My daughters birthday is coming up soon and I wanted to get some ideas for her gifts. I guess I am in somewhat of a contemplative mood today, and I just have to say that as I sat on a bench waiting for my daughter to come out of a store I was people watching. I tend to do that when I am just waiting. I often times wonder about the people that I am watching. I wonder about their lives, what they do, where they live and what kinds of hopes and dreams they have. I imagine them to have lives very similar to mine. I also must confess that I look at the womens bodies and I wonder if they are happy with them. I look at thin women and overweight women as well. I know some overweight women who are very happy with their weight and then I know some very thin women who are very unhappy with their bodies. I honestly believe that we all have our own challenges and what I think about myself is all that really matters. It doesn't really work to compare myself to someone else or wish I were someone else, because in reality I might be way unhappier in their skin. Why is it that we judge others by looks? I know that I am just as guilty as the next person for looking at a person and judging them. It is not for me to judge anyone and yet I think it is human nature to do that. I have decided that every time I catch myself judging either someone else, or myself I will stop and send a blessing instead. I think that it is important for each of us to become a better observer of our thoughts. My goal for this coming week is to become a better observer of my thoughts. I challenge all of you reading to do the same and when observing, offer compassion and love instead of judgement.
I have learned along the way during this life, that when we give up something in our lives that we no longer desire, it is important to take on something that we do desire. As I let go of the judgement about my body, I am choosing to take on loving affirmations about my body. After all, it is the only body that I have.
Monday, July 30, 2012
In the "Groove"
Well I am happy to report that I am back in the groove. Life is starting to settle down. The house is as put together as it can be for now.
This past weekend marked the beginning of the Olympics. I marked the beginning of the Olympics with a party at my new LYS. They held a cast-on party for the Ravellenic games. I cast on for Team Briar Rose . I cast on Pea Vines Shawl by Anne Hanson. 379 stitches--woohoo. Let me just say that it takes a minute to knit one row. After knitting 2 days I finally feel like I am making some progress. I am also happy to report that I am holding steady on my fiber fast. Yay! It is amazing to me what the Olympics bring out in people. I watch and I feel the energy of everyone cheering on team USA and not even our country, all countries come together in a spirit of cheering everyone to do their best. I also think that the Olympics being held in London bring a majestic feel to this particular Olympic games. Isn't the Queen wonderful? I love her sense of humor and how she stepped out of her "box" to bring a whole new element to the Olympics. I love watching and knitting every day and I enjoy the camaraderie that it brings to my ravelry team as well. Go team brf 2012!!!
I am also happy to report that I have held steadfast to a healthy eating plan and this week I have lightened up 6 pounds. I know that is a lot to lighten up in only one week and yet remember it's the first week, and as we all know that any time we go on a live-it the first week or so we usually lighten up more than most.
63 weeks til Rhinebeck!!! I know it is so far away and yet I am super excited. I keep visualizing myself in a beautiful long cardigan that will keep me snuggly warm as I walk around all of the tents and vendors. It's a way smaller size than I normally knit. : ) I have a pair of felted mittens on my hand and a lovely knitted head band keeping my ears warm. Don't I look cute? In my mind it's cute. Now I just have to determine the yarns and colors to knit. In my mind I see me wearing a new Kaffe Fassett coat--yummy. Way too much work to get to before next October. I knit one of his coats over 20 years ago and it took me FOREVER! It was however, the most beautiful coat I have ever made. Well, there is my Prism coat--hmmm, What can I say, I think they are all beautiful! It is fun to dream about next year. It's the same way when you are planning a vacation. You think about it, plan it, and dream about it for weeks and even months and then before you know it--it's here. Let's hope Rhinebeck comes as quick.
I have been thinking about what has caused me to self sabotage in the past. It has been many different things from feeling unloved to being depressed to no confidence and the list could go on and on. What I realize is that different things are triggers for me. This week I noticed that I wanted to eat less healthy things when I was happy and having a good day. Isn't that odd? Perhaps not, as we tend to eat surrounding celebrations and if you have noticed in your own life that so many of our times together with others are centered around food. I wonder why that is? Food can be that thing that causes a bit of disconnect when we are with others. If you think about it, food can bring us together and then when the meal is over, that is our chance to dis-connect with the other person. Food offers excuses on many levels. I also noticed that when I was frustrated I thought some chips would help. I didn't eat them though. I was definitely being the observer this past week. I avoided all sugary substances this week and I can tell that I was irritable at times and yet overall I feel pretty good. I think that it will take a few weeks for the sugar to get completely out of my system. I will continue to contemplate the issues surrounding my food intake. For now I have my vitamix out and I am back to my green smoothies every morning and eating as close to raw as possible. I am eating a few cooked items as well and in very small quantities.
For the coming week I plan to stay on task. I will continue my self sabotage class and keep you posted.
Happy Knitting, Eating and watching the Olympics!
This past weekend marked the beginning of the Olympics. I marked the beginning of the Olympics with a party at my new LYS. They held a cast-on party for the Ravellenic games. I cast on for Team Briar Rose . I cast on Pea Vines Shawl by Anne Hanson. 379 stitches--woohoo. Let me just say that it takes a minute to knit one row. After knitting 2 days I finally feel like I am making some progress. I am also happy to report that I am holding steady on my fiber fast. Yay! It is amazing to me what the Olympics bring out in people. I watch and I feel the energy of everyone cheering on team USA and not even our country, all countries come together in a spirit of cheering everyone to do their best. I also think that the Olympics being held in London bring a majestic feel to this particular Olympic games. Isn't the Queen wonderful? I love her sense of humor and how she stepped out of her "box" to bring a whole new element to the Olympics. I love watching and knitting every day and I enjoy the camaraderie that it brings to my ravelry team as well. Go team brf 2012!!!
I am also happy to report that I have held steadfast to a healthy eating plan and this week I have lightened up 6 pounds. I know that is a lot to lighten up in only one week and yet remember it's the first week, and as we all know that any time we go on a live-it the first week or so we usually lighten up more than most.
63 weeks til Rhinebeck!!! I know it is so far away and yet I am super excited. I keep visualizing myself in a beautiful long cardigan that will keep me snuggly warm as I walk around all of the tents and vendors. It's a way smaller size than I normally knit. : ) I have a pair of felted mittens on my hand and a lovely knitted head band keeping my ears warm. Don't I look cute? In my mind it's cute. Now I just have to determine the yarns and colors to knit. In my mind I see me wearing a new Kaffe Fassett coat--yummy. Way too much work to get to before next October. I knit one of his coats over 20 years ago and it took me FOREVER! It was however, the most beautiful coat I have ever made. Well, there is my Prism coat--hmmm, What can I say, I think they are all beautiful! It is fun to dream about next year. It's the same way when you are planning a vacation. You think about it, plan it, and dream about it for weeks and even months and then before you know it--it's here. Let's hope Rhinebeck comes as quick.
I have been thinking about what has caused me to self sabotage in the past. It has been many different things from feeling unloved to being depressed to no confidence and the list could go on and on. What I realize is that different things are triggers for me. This week I noticed that I wanted to eat less healthy things when I was happy and having a good day. Isn't that odd? Perhaps not, as we tend to eat surrounding celebrations and if you have noticed in your own life that so many of our times together with others are centered around food. I wonder why that is? Food can be that thing that causes a bit of disconnect when we are with others. If you think about it, food can bring us together and then when the meal is over, that is our chance to dis-connect with the other person. Food offers excuses on many levels. I also noticed that when I was frustrated I thought some chips would help. I didn't eat them though. I was definitely being the observer this past week. I avoided all sugary substances this week and I can tell that I was irritable at times and yet overall I feel pretty good. I think that it will take a few weeks for the sugar to get completely out of my system. I will continue to contemplate the issues surrounding my food intake. For now I have my vitamix out and I am back to my green smoothies every morning and eating as close to raw as possible. I am eating a few cooked items as well and in very small quantities.
For the coming week I plan to stay on task. I will continue my self sabotage class and keep you posted.
Happy Knitting, Eating and watching the Olympics!
Monday, July 23, 2012
Time to "get in the groove"
It seems that I am having some issues with "getting in the groove". Do you ever really want something bad or think you really want something and yet it just doesn't seem to come to fruition? I have to say that is where I have been for a time now. Moving really does take something out of a person. For me it has meant starting all over in a new place where I know no one and really I don't know much about the place where I am living. I know that I am in the great state of Texas where everything is BIG and yet I really don't know much more than that. By nature I would say I am fairly extroverted and I imagine that my friends would say that I am extremely extroverted and yet what most don't know about me is that there is a part of me that enjoys the peace and quietness of life. So I believe that this move has allowed me to take some time to unwind if you will-time to decompress from the move and from life and all the yanks and tugs that life puts on us. I figure no one really knows me here, so now is the chance to take some time to get "me" in order. To do some contemplation and meditation and to get in touch with what has been keeping me from my goals.
In my mind I know everything that is required to get my body in the shape that I desire it to be. I know exactly the proper nutrition that it needs. Movement and exercise are required and I know the amount of water that it needs and I also know the things that it doesn't need. For most things in life I believe that we know these thing innately. We pretty much know what the resulting consequences of our actions will be--would you agree? When I started this blog it was to work on two specific areas of my life, to write about them, and to share my journey over the next year and a half to come. What I didn't think about was how working on any area of your life if you are serious about, it affects all areas of your life. For example have you ever noticed that when you really want to focus on saving money and getting your financial "house" in order that things show up or happen that really just blow your plan? I know that when I decided that I was going to get caught up with all my bills and get all of my credit cards paid off then all of a sudden the Universe put many other financial things on my plate for me to take care of too. My car all of a sudden needed $1500 worth of work and then a hospital bill from eons ago that I thought insurance had taken care of all of a sudden needs to be paid or it goes to collections etc. etc. You get the picture? I think that the same thing is happening with my weight as well. I say that I want to work on it an boom- I find every excuse in the book to avoid it. I go to the grocery store and stock up on the m&m's (I love the peanut butter ones) and I get bbq chips and dip. A few bottles of wine and a jug of margaritas for mexican fiesta night which we have at our house every Friday. We call it Fiesta Friday at our house and it is our tradition to have mexican food and a family movie. A tradition that we continue even though our kids are mostly grown-we all love it! The list goes on and on. Then I was absent from this blog because in my mind all I had to write about was failure. The truth is that it is hard to admit our failures and yet that is where we learn the most about life is in our failures. While I had been making bad choices about food I have been doing great with the yarn. I will explain about the yarn in a moment. I want to stay on the topic of food for a moment longer. Last night I realized that I was totally sabotaging myself. I don't even know why. In fact I can think back over my life and look at the patterns in my life and see all of the ways that I have self sabotaged. So for part of this journey that will be a part of my healing. I wanted to share will you that I will be looking at my patterns and working to see if I can find the underlying program that is sabotaging my eating habits. I don't know if you have ever thought about it or not --I think that we are kind of like mini computers and through out our life we have been programmed to believe one way or another or think one way or another. Does this make sense? I can think of things that I do or say because my mother told me to do it that way and so I do. I was just programmed to do things a certain way. It's not right or wrong it just is. As I get older I recognize those things that I learned and that I never questioned and sometimes I wonder why.....And this is where the growth for me begins. When I begin to question and search out answers and deeper meanings to things this is where I begin to see life in a whole new way. About now you are all probably tired of my rambling so I will get to my point. Last night when I realized the sabotage I decided to sign up for a class where I can explore things on a deeper level so that I can find some answers inside of myself and begin to heal whatever it is that is hurting. So this morning is a new day and I am on a new path to discovery. I will keep you posted.
Now for discoveries I have made about yarn. Last week I decided to have my hubby help me carry in two of my bins of yarn from the garage (oh yeah, you know it there are more than two --I had to start somewhere) I began to write down the yarns and the patterns and compiled a list so that I could begin to knit from the list. I have one list of sock yarns and sock patterns(smallish projects) and the second list is sweaters and shawls and other various projects. Is this making sense? I thought that if I wrote them down on paper and began to cross them off the list as I knit them it would give me a sense of accomplishment. What I didn't count on when I started this project was that it would be such an eye opener to ALL that I have. From those two bins and a basket of yarn in the house I have 79 projects complete with both yarn and patterns. I would say about 30 skeins are sock yarns and could perhaps be used for scarfs or shawlettes. Who needs that much sock yarn? Up until now I've been going by the yarn harlots rule that sock yarn doesn't count for your stash and now I think I need to reconsider that rule. Elizabeth, my friend .who I am doing this fast with says that all yarn counts for this fast(even sock yarn) : ( And really, now think about it, who needs 30 pairs of socks? What was I thinking? I can tell you that at the time I was thinking "oh that it is sooooo beautiful and what yummy socks it will make" etc. etc. And now I am thinking who can I make socks for-I don't need thirty pairs of socks to wear : ) As for the other projects I am thinking --what was I thinking? I have nearly 50 shawls and sweaters, purses and projects just waiting for me to make them. I have to just say that writing it all down was probably the best thing for me because I can tell you that I went to two yarn shops last week and while I did look at all of the yarn I did not even think about buying some--woohoo!! I would say that is some progress. I have been working on my two mystery shawls from the Unique Sheep--One that I am doing online and one that I am doing through a yarn shop. I am also working on a test knit and I am working on socks for an international sock swap. I have the lists posted in the front of my notebook and look at them daily as a reminder of how blessed I am to have so many beautiful projects waiting for me to make them. As I look at the lists I am thinking about the order in which I will knit them. Some will be for gifts so I may have to start them next. What I have decided to do first is that I will not cast on any more new projects until I finish what I have started. That will include not only the ones that I just described but also two other shawls that I have on the needles waiting in their bags for me to give them some attention. I have a friend who has her own system and that is- she has seven projects going at one time. She works on one a day and she rotates them through the week so that she doesn't get bored and so that she eventually will have completed seven different projects. She said that when one projects ends she starts a new project in it's place, she never doubles up. I think that this is a cool idea that I might try in the future. I also have another friend who only works on ONE project at a time--really? Who has the will power to do this? Perhaps I should try his method??? For right now I must get my test knitting and swap knitting finished so I can't really try it now. I will definitely keep their methods in mind for the future.
I want to leave this post with just a few final thoughts. I have 64 weeks until the Rhinebeck fiber festival that my friends and I are going to. My goal is to lose 100 pds by the time I go which means that I need to lose 1.56 pds per week to meet my goal. So I've decided that from now on I will post my weekly progress. I am only going to weigh in on Monday mornings. In the past I would weigh every morning which made me crazy so I am doing something new this time. This will be a good way to stay accountable.
As for the nearly 80 projects that I have to knit I know that it is impossible for me to be able to knit through them all in 64 weeks. I do have to sleep! I am ok with that. I believe that if I can knit through 25 to 30 of the projects then I will feel good about buying new yarn at Rhinebeck. I am open to any thoughts that those of you reading this might have.
My action thoughts for today are to list 5 things that I do to sabotage myself and then 5 things I can do to counter act them.
Above all have kindness and compassion and love for myself and I hope you do the same for yourself.
In my mind I know everything that is required to get my body in the shape that I desire it to be. I know exactly the proper nutrition that it needs. Movement and exercise are required and I know the amount of water that it needs and I also know the things that it doesn't need. For most things in life I believe that we know these thing innately. We pretty much know what the resulting consequences of our actions will be--would you agree? When I started this blog it was to work on two specific areas of my life, to write about them, and to share my journey over the next year and a half to come. What I didn't think about was how working on any area of your life if you are serious about, it affects all areas of your life. For example have you ever noticed that when you really want to focus on saving money and getting your financial "house" in order that things show up or happen that really just blow your plan? I know that when I decided that I was going to get caught up with all my bills and get all of my credit cards paid off then all of a sudden the Universe put many other financial things on my plate for me to take care of too. My car all of a sudden needed $1500 worth of work and then a hospital bill from eons ago that I thought insurance had taken care of all of a sudden needs to be paid or it goes to collections etc. etc. You get the picture? I think that the same thing is happening with my weight as well. I say that I want to work on it an boom- I find every excuse in the book to avoid it. I go to the grocery store and stock up on the m&m's (I love the peanut butter ones) and I get bbq chips and dip. A few bottles of wine and a jug of margaritas for mexican fiesta night which we have at our house every Friday. We call it Fiesta Friday at our house and it is our tradition to have mexican food and a family movie. A tradition that we continue even though our kids are mostly grown-we all love it! The list goes on and on. Then I was absent from this blog because in my mind all I had to write about was failure. The truth is that it is hard to admit our failures and yet that is where we learn the most about life is in our failures. While I had been making bad choices about food I have been doing great with the yarn. I will explain about the yarn in a moment. I want to stay on the topic of food for a moment longer. Last night I realized that I was totally sabotaging myself. I don't even know why. In fact I can think back over my life and look at the patterns in my life and see all of the ways that I have self sabotaged. So for part of this journey that will be a part of my healing. I wanted to share will you that I will be looking at my patterns and working to see if I can find the underlying program that is sabotaging my eating habits. I don't know if you have ever thought about it or not --I think that we are kind of like mini computers and through out our life we have been programmed to believe one way or another or think one way or another. Does this make sense? I can think of things that I do or say because my mother told me to do it that way and so I do. I was just programmed to do things a certain way. It's not right or wrong it just is. As I get older I recognize those things that I learned and that I never questioned and sometimes I wonder why.....And this is where the growth for me begins. When I begin to question and search out answers and deeper meanings to things this is where I begin to see life in a whole new way. About now you are all probably tired of my rambling so I will get to my point. Last night when I realized the sabotage I decided to sign up for a class where I can explore things on a deeper level so that I can find some answers inside of myself and begin to heal whatever it is that is hurting. So this morning is a new day and I am on a new path to discovery. I will keep you posted.
Now for discoveries I have made about yarn. Last week I decided to have my hubby help me carry in two of my bins of yarn from the garage (oh yeah, you know it there are more than two --I had to start somewhere) I began to write down the yarns and the patterns and compiled a list so that I could begin to knit from the list. I have one list of sock yarns and sock patterns(smallish projects) and the second list is sweaters and shawls and other various projects. Is this making sense? I thought that if I wrote them down on paper and began to cross them off the list as I knit them it would give me a sense of accomplishment. What I didn't count on when I started this project was that it would be such an eye opener to ALL that I have. From those two bins and a basket of yarn in the house I have 79 projects complete with both yarn and patterns. I would say about 30 skeins are sock yarns and could perhaps be used for scarfs or shawlettes. Who needs that much sock yarn? Up until now I've been going by the yarn harlots rule that sock yarn doesn't count for your stash and now I think I need to reconsider that rule. Elizabeth, my friend .who I am doing this fast with says that all yarn counts for this fast(even sock yarn) : ( And really, now think about it, who needs 30 pairs of socks? What was I thinking? I can tell you that at the time I was thinking "oh that it is sooooo beautiful and what yummy socks it will make" etc. etc. And now I am thinking who can I make socks for-I don't need thirty pairs of socks to wear : ) As for the other projects I am thinking --what was I thinking? I have nearly 50 shawls and sweaters, purses and projects just waiting for me to make them. I have to just say that writing it all down was probably the best thing for me because I can tell you that I went to two yarn shops last week and while I did look at all of the yarn I did not even think about buying some--woohoo!! I would say that is some progress. I have been working on my two mystery shawls from the Unique Sheep--One that I am doing online and one that I am doing through a yarn shop. I am also working on a test knit and I am working on socks for an international sock swap. I have the lists posted in the front of my notebook and look at them daily as a reminder of how blessed I am to have so many beautiful projects waiting for me to make them. As I look at the lists I am thinking about the order in which I will knit them. Some will be for gifts so I may have to start them next. What I have decided to do first is that I will not cast on any more new projects until I finish what I have started. That will include not only the ones that I just described but also two other shawls that I have on the needles waiting in their bags for me to give them some attention. I have a friend who has her own system and that is- she has seven projects going at one time. She works on one a day and she rotates them through the week so that she doesn't get bored and so that she eventually will have completed seven different projects. She said that when one projects ends she starts a new project in it's place, she never doubles up. I think that this is a cool idea that I might try in the future. I also have another friend who only works on ONE project at a time--really? Who has the will power to do this? Perhaps I should try his method??? For right now I must get my test knitting and swap knitting finished so I can't really try it now. I will definitely keep their methods in mind for the future.
I want to leave this post with just a few final thoughts. I have 64 weeks until the Rhinebeck fiber festival that my friends and I are going to. My goal is to lose 100 pds by the time I go which means that I need to lose 1.56 pds per week to meet my goal. So I've decided that from now on I will post my weekly progress. I am only going to weigh in on Monday mornings. In the past I would weigh every morning which made me crazy so I am doing something new this time. This will be a good way to stay accountable.
As for the nearly 80 projects that I have to knit I know that it is impossible for me to be able to knit through them all in 64 weeks. I do have to sleep! I am ok with that. I believe that if I can knit through 25 to 30 of the projects then I will feel good about buying new yarn at Rhinebeck. I am open to any thoughts that those of you reading this might have.
My action thoughts for today are to list 5 things that I do to sabotage myself and then 5 things I can do to counter act them.
Above all have kindness and compassion and love for myself and I hope you do the same for yourself.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Starting Over
Well it has been quite some time since my last post and that is because I have been without the internet for a while. I guess I never realized how important this form of technology was until I didn't have it. I had to return the cable boxes and modems before the move and I made a date for return without the thought of how I will stay in touch through cyber space. I was able to get my hot spot on my phone turned on- the only problem with that is that I had terrible reception with the hot spot in the country where I lived so it really was useless. My only touch with the outside world came when I went to the knit shop with my computer or went to my friends who gave me access to the web. So now I am officially transplanted in Austin, TX. Time to start over in a new city. It has been a journey just dealing with all the stuff that goes with moving. I do have to say that it has gone so smoothly I almost can't believe it. From the trip here with my son and the girls (my two goldendoodles) to the utilities all getting hooked up at the appropriate times (esp. the cable guy), to the movers showing up and unloading in perfect time to the unpacking-- it is all working in perfect harmony. The interesting thing about this is I wonder to myself- why is this time different? Why is this move so easy in many respects compared to other moves? I am not saying that it has all been a piece of cake and yet it hasn't been so bad either. After 3 days in the house I am at least 75% unpacked and organized, which is unheard of. I am grateful for the transition happening so smoothly. I love my new house. It's going to be perfect for us. We were so blessed to find a brand new home. The only things that really bugs me about the house are that It has no linen closet and no drawers in the bathroom vanities and no medicine cabinets either--who does that? No worries though. You may not know that I am the queen of improvising, so far I have managed to turn some shelves in the master closet into a linen closet and today I head out to bed bath and beyond for some drawers for the bathrooms. Problem solved.
I imagine the biggest problem of the whole trip was my ankles. I know it sounds silly and I am here to tell you that they have given me some problems. Before I left KY my friends forced me to go to the Dr. to get them checked out. So I did and do you know what he told me? I was too fat and needed to lose some weight. Color me surprised! He said it wasn't my heart or my kidneys (whew) it was simple, the amount of weight I carry is putting pressure on my veins which is causing the constriction that is causing my swelling etc. etc. etc. He said lose 10 or 20 pds and you will see it go away. He makes it sound so simple. The thing is, I actually think he gets how difficult it is--he himself is a very overweight man and he was probably one of the most non-judgemental Drs. I have ever met. Sure he told it like it was and yet he also had compassion in his voice because he understands. He gave me permission to do the drive with the caution to watch the salts and to walk every few hours (which I did). Even with his advice my ankles were the worst they have ever been by the time I arrived. It has taken several days for the swelling to come down. It is slowly, but surely. Today is the official day that I kick of my raw campaign. I have gone back and forth as to whether to start before or after the fourth of July. In the end that has just been another excuse to put off what I say that I really want to do. I haven't found the scale as of yet so that I can get a true starting weight and I guess that the numbers don't really matter. They are just a guide that helps me know if I am on task or not. The truth is that if I am eating properly then a scale doesn't matter at all. Hubby and son are joining in the healthy food changes that the household is undertaking. Pretty cool that we are all going to be on the same page. I have the vita mix ready for green smoothies in the morning. Here I am starting all over with my eating regimen once again. Why is it that I am starting over again? Interesting to think about--because I have been at a comfortable weight for my body in the past and then emotions crept in and I began eating to bury or stuff the feelings that I apparently didn't want to deal with. I know all of this in my intellect and yet the emotions seem to over power me and food comes in to save the day! Well not this time. I am working through emotions as they come. Here's to my Health!!! I am sure that we will have an opportunity to walk through some of the emotions to come.
Now is time for confessions of a yarn a holic. Yes, it is true that I am on a fiber fast. When I agreed to do this my friend Elizabeth and I set up some rules to follow that would be our guide to having money for the Rhinebeck trip Oct. 2013. We did give ourselves some grace. We have allowed ourselves to continue to be a part of some of the groups we love through the Unique Sheep. If you haven't tried their yarn then you are missing out BIG TIME. It is fun and beautiful and yummy and well I could go on and on about them--you just need to try them out!!! You will love it! So we are both continuing in their KAL's and clubs and that is pretty much all that we allowed ourselves with the exception of gifts. However, I rec'd some money for a going away present and for my birthday with the stipulation that I buy something only for me and something I really wanted. Well..... I really wanted yarn. For my birthday on Thurs. I went into one of the yarn shops here in Austin after we arrived--just to look mind you. How was I supposed to know that they would have this new yarn that I had never seen before? It called to me--you know how when you see something and it just calls to you and it says "buy me, take me home, I will be something beautiful for you"? I know that you have heard fiber calling to you that way--come on, don't deny it. So this new yarn that I had never seen before from Hazel Knits in the base called entice and the colorway jam session came home with me for my birthday. I continue to pet it every day and it is giving me some ideas of what it wants to be. I haven't quite decided on a pattern--though. This was a great purchase and yet I still had birthday $ in my pocket so I decided to hide it in my wallet for just the perfect time. Can you believe that only 3 days later I found myself in yet another knit shop and before I knew it I had found the perfect yarn for a shawl and it was 20% off--Really? That is a no brainer--what knitter can avoid a 20% off sale? And just before I was ready to leave the store I spotted it near the cash register--A skein of yarn for the fourth of July. It was called patriot and it was red, white and blue with silver sparkles all over it. You know at that moment it was all over. I had to have it. I want you to know that I did try to talk myself out of buying it. Especially since it would leave me almost out of my birthday money and then what? How could I buy yarn without a gift cert. or money that was supposed to be for my yarn? I guess it's time to start over and get back into the fast. No more ways to justify buying yarn. I think I have enough money left to buy one or two skeins and then that is it. My yarn buying days are over---UGH! Elizabeth is there any way I can have a reprieve for the yarn crawl coming in Oct.? Or do I have to save this $ until Oct. and hope that I can find something to fit the amount of $ I have left? Why am I making such a big deal about it? I have more yarn than I really need. Why do I want more? I don't just have yarn--I have amazing and beautiful yarns. I think that in the morning when I get my "hard" work done I will sit and make a list of the projects that I have in my queue and perhaps that will help me to stay motivated to knit from my stash and NOT buy anymore yarn until next year per the plan. It's funny to me though how I am having such issues with this. I know that it is not true what they say--she who dies with the most yarn wins. It can't be true--what fun would that be? How about just enjoying the yarns that I already have and have fun creating with them. I think that is the plan! Play with what I have for a while before acquiring more.
So for this Monday it is a day for starting over. I am in a new space and place in a new city and life is starting over with a new chapter. Can't wait to see how it unfolds.........OOOOHHH the phone is ringing................................
I imagine the biggest problem of the whole trip was my ankles. I know it sounds silly and I am here to tell you that they have given me some problems. Before I left KY my friends forced me to go to the Dr. to get them checked out. So I did and do you know what he told me? I was too fat and needed to lose some weight. Color me surprised! He said it wasn't my heart or my kidneys (whew) it was simple, the amount of weight I carry is putting pressure on my veins which is causing the constriction that is causing my swelling etc. etc. etc. He said lose 10 or 20 pds and you will see it go away. He makes it sound so simple. The thing is, I actually think he gets how difficult it is--he himself is a very overweight man and he was probably one of the most non-judgemental Drs. I have ever met. Sure he told it like it was and yet he also had compassion in his voice because he understands. He gave me permission to do the drive with the caution to watch the salts and to walk every few hours (which I did). Even with his advice my ankles were the worst they have ever been by the time I arrived. It has taken several days for the swelling to come down. It is slowly, but surely. Today is the official day that I kick of my raw campaign. I have gone back and forth as to whether to start before or after the fourth of July. In the end that has just been another excuse to put off what I say that I really want to do. I haven't found the scale as of yet so that I can get a true starting weight and I guess that the numbers don't really matter. They are just a guide that helps me know if I am on task or not. The truth is that if I am eating properly then a scale doesn't matter at all. Hubby and son are joining in the healthy food changes that the household is undertaking. Pretty cool that we are all going to be on the same page. I have the vita mix ready for green smoothies in the morning. Here I am starting all over with my eating regimen once again. Why is it that I am starting over again? Interesting to think about--because I have been at a comfortable weight for my body in the past and then emotions crept in and I began eating to bury or stuff the feelings that I apparently didn't want to deal with. I know all of this in my intellect and yet the emotions seem to over power me and food comes in to save the day! Well not this time. I am working through emotions as they come. Here's to my Health!!! I am sure that we will have an opportunity to walk through some of the emotions to come.
Now is time for confessions of a yarn a holic. Yes, it is true that I am on a fiber fast. When I agreed to do this my friend Elizabeth and I set up some rules to follow that would be our guide to having money for the Rhinebeck trip Oct. 2013. We did give ourselves some grace. We have allowed ourselves to continue to be a part of some of the groups we love through the Unique Sheep. If you haven't tried their yarn then you are missing out BIG TIME. It is fun and beautiful and yummy and well I could go on and on about them--you just need to try them out!!! You will love it! So we are both continuing in their KAL's and clubs and that is pretty much all that we allowed ourselves with the exception of gifts. However, I rec'd some money for a going away present and for my birthday with the stipulation that I buy something only for me and something I really wanted. Well..... I really wanted yarn. For my birthday on Thurs. I went into one of the yarn shops here in Austin after we arrived--just to look mind you. How was I supposed to know that they would have this new yarn that I had never seen before? It called to me--you know how when you see something and it just calls to you and it says "buy me, take me home, I will be something beautiful for you"? I know that you have heard fiber calling to you that way--come on, don't deny it. So this new yarn that I had never seen before from Hazel Knits in the base called entice and the colorway jam session came home with me for my birthday. I continue to pet it every day and it is giving me some ideas of what it wants to be. I haven't quite decided on a pattern--though. This was a great purchase and yet I still had birthday $ in my pocket so I decided to hide it in my wallet for just the perfect time. Can you believe that only 3 days later I found myself in yet another knit shop and before I knew it I had found the perfect yarn for a shawl and it was 20% off--Really? That is a no brainer--what knitter can avoid a 20% off sale? And just before I was ready to leave the store I spotted it near the cash register--A skein of yarn for the fourth of July. It was called patriot and it was red, white and blue with silver sparkles all over it. You know at that moment it was all over. I had to have it. I want you to know that I did try to talk myself out of buying it. Especially since it would leave me almost out of my birthday money and then what? How could I buy yarn without a gift cert. or money that was supposed to be for my yarn? I guess it's time to start over and get back into the fast. No more ways to justify buying yarn. I think I have enough money left to buy one or two skeins and then that is it. My yarn buying days are over---UGH! Elizabeth is there any way I can have a reprieve for the yarn crawl coming in Oct.? Or do I have to save this $ until Oct. and hope that I can find something to fit the amount of $ I have left? Why am I making such a big deal about it? I have more yarn than I really need. Why do I want more? I don't just have yarn--I have amazing and beautiful yarns. I think that in the morning when I get my "hard" work done I will sit and make a list of the projects that I have in my queue and perhaps that will help me to stay motivated to knit from my stash and NOT buy anymore yarn until next year per the plan. It's funny to me though how I am having such issues with this. I know that it is not true what they say--she who dies with the most yarn wins. It can't be true--what fun would that be? How about just enjoying the yarns that I already have and have fun creating with them. I think that is the plan! Play with what I have for a while before acquiring more.
So for this Monday it is a day for starting over. I am in a new space and place in a new city and life is starting over with a new chapter. Can't wait to see how it unfolds.........OOOOHHH the phone is ringing................................
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Letting Go
I can't believe that it has been a whole week since I started my blog. So many things have happened. Many changes are taking place in my life. Last Sunday I boarded a plane for Austin, TX. My husband very recently got a job there with a new company. Which means that we have to move our family again. We just had our last move 8 months ago. I spent the first two days in Austin on a roller-coaster of emotion and a lot of time crying on and off. The first day of looking at houses was simply depressing because I went from looking at beautiful houses that I could not afford and that I really wanted, to houses that I could not imagine my family living in. Then on Wed. when I had almost given up and we stopped in front of the last house on my realtors list I knew this was the one. One step in the door and I was home. Do you know how you just know? That was it for me. The only thing left was to suffer the wait to see if we were approved or if someone had slipped their application in before us. I was at the realtors office 10 minutes before 8 the next morning with my application and deposits in hand trusting that this was supposed to be mine. So when the receptionist opened the door I stepped in with my spiel only for her to tell me the realtor in charge of my property was not feeling well and would be in a little late, to which I said "no problem I have my knitting and I am happy to wait". You see, there was no way I was going to take a chance of someone slipping in front of me. He did finally arrive 3 1/2 hours later--hey my sock that I was knitting was almost finished so I was good with that. Then he told me that it would be late that afternoon or the next morning before I would know anything. My heart fell to my stomach and I had that sick feeling all over again and the "what ifs" began to circle in my head: what if he got sick and didn't process it today, what if I something was missing from my application, what if they couldn't get a hold of someone they needed to verify or worse yet what if they said NO? Too many thoughts and the only thing I could think of was to go find a knit shop and that is precisely what I did. I don't know about you , for me, just being in a yarn shop surrounded by fiber yumminess always makes me feel better. I just have to say that it really is a small world- I know that sounds cliche and yet it is true. Here is my real life demonstration that we live in a small world. I had been chatting with a new friend whom I had never met in person, only through Ravelry and there she sat in the knit shop that I wandered in to. I kept looking at her like I should know her but really couldn't figure out how. Then someone said her name and I knew it was the knitter I had been pm for weeks. I had seen her picture on her Ravelry page. What a serendipity! We exchanged greetings and then visited for a few hours which helped to pass the waiting time and just when she had to leave the call came--I recognized the realtors number and I broke out in a small sweat and nervousness gripped my body and a thousand scenarios ran through my head, you know the ones I am talking about .....and then he said it : we've decided to approve you and it was like music to my ears and I let out a silent YES ! Woo hoo I had a place to live!!! Now all that was left to do was to go home and pack and call the movers. It was really happening. I only wonder how I might have felt if only I would have let go a bit sooner and allowed the Universe to handle it for me?
Now I'm sure you are wondering how I did with the fiber fasting and the healthy eating habits while I was in Austin and going through all of this turmoil. I did great with the fiber fast I would have to say because I only purchased a few things--now before you go getting all judgmental let me explain--this is the excuse thing that I talked about in my last blog--Teehee. I purchased yarn for the International Sock swap that I am in because I didn't have anything in the desired colorway of my partner and really who would want a pair of socks that is a color they would never wear? You have to agree that it was a necessary purchase-right? There was one more purchase though and that was yarn to make the Rock Island shawl and let me just say that it was the last two skeins in that colorway and they were having a 20% off sale and come on what knitter can pass up 20% off? Ok so I choked and yet in reality my fiber fast doesn't officially start until the 17th of this month. (I know you are thinking excuse) As I sit here typing I am aware of all of the excuses and "wow" the awareness is astounding for me. It really makes me think. This fast is going to be harder than I thought. Especially because while in Austin they told me about a yarn crawl that they have in Oct.--the temptation makes me think about Adam and Eve and I wonder how the temptation made them feel? At least I have several months to prepare myself--stay strong is the mantra in my mind at the present moment. Results, results, I want results. Do I even need to go on the crawl? Rhinebeck, Rhinebeck, Rhinebeck!!!
As for the food in Austin---well just let me say it's AWESOME! So many great restaurants and street vendors to explore and so little time. There was a street vendor with the most amazing cupcakes and on Tues. which was my sons birthday I had a carrot cupcake in his honor. Super Yummy! It is safe to say that I ate my way through the emotions that I was having. I ate at a different mexican rest. virtually every night. It was wonderful and then I came home on Friday and had and still have swollen ankles and sore feet and after packing all day yesterday a sore knee. Which brings me to this moment when I say to you now, I know why I want to be eating a healthy "live it". Because I am sore and it is painful and all of these signs are simply my body saying "hello, wake up, quit torturing me. Now I must listen. So for today I will share with you that I am enjoying 1 gallon of distilled water and the juice of 1/2 lemon. It's time to let go of the junk that I thought was my comfort because let me tell you that I am not comfort-able now! I am very UN-COMFORTABLE! On the plus side of moving to Austin I found the whole foods grocery store that is the headquarters for the company and it is one of the most beautiful grocery stores that I have been in. I know that they will always have amazing healthy options for me. Farmers markets are a real bonus there as well--I can't wait for all of the local fresh produce.
Speaking of letting go- I am really not loving this packing thing, although I will say that it really forces me to see all of the "stuff" that I have. I am forced to ask myself once again if I really need all of the things that I have. In some situations it would be fine to let go of the objects that I have not used or even forgotten that I have. And just when I am ready to let go emotion swings in a that little voice in my head says "do you really want to part with it?" I seem to always find a way to justify something.
Today my pastor said something that hit home for me. She said, "if we have to justify something-then there's something wrong. Hmm, I know that there are many times that I have to justify things in my mind quite a bit. I imagine that when I do that there are many things that are wrong. Do we blame others? she asked. Do I listen when my heart tells me something or do I do what I want and think I will reconcile it later?" I thought that all of these statements were very poignant and I have thought about them all day. Even when I went to the grocery store and thought I will just buy a package of oreos and share them with the kids and start my "live it" tomorrow and then I paused and thought to myself--"self, what are you doing?" and I passed right by the cookie aisle and bought my water. It was not so easy though. How many times a day do we go about life and we do not even stop to listen? Listen to our bodies, listen to our thoughts, listen to the words of others speaking to us and most of all do I listen to what spirit says to me? I must admit that I need more time in the silence to listen.
Letting go is probably one of the hardest things to do and yet it can also be one of the most important things that we must learn to do. For it is in the letting go of things that no longer serve us that new and greater things come to us. Blessings beyond our wildest dreams.
Now I'm sure you are wondering how I did with the fiber fasting and the healthy eating habits while I was in Austin and going through all of this turmoil. I did great with the fiber fast I would have to say because I only purchased a few things--now before you go getting all judgmental let me explain--this is the excuse thing that I talked about in my last blog--Teehee. I purchased yarn for the International Sock swap that I am in because I didn't have anything in the desired colorway of my partner and really who would want a pair of socks that is a color they would never wear? You have to agree that it was a necessary purchase-right? There was one more purchase though and that was yarn to make the Rock Island shawl and let me just say that it was the last two skeins in that colorway and they were having a 20% off sale and come on what knitter can pass up 20% off? Ok so I choked and yet in reality my fiber fast doesn't officially start until the 17th of this month. (I know you are thinking excuse) As I sit here typing I am aware of all of the excuses and "wow" the awareness is astounding for me. It really makes me think. This fast is going to be harder than I thought. Especially because while in Austin they told me about a yarn crawl that they have in Oct.--the temptation makes me think about Adam and Eve and I wonder how the temptation made them feel? At least I have several months to prepare myself--stay strong is the mantra in my mind at the present moment. Results, results, I want results. Do I even need to go on the crawl? Rhinebeck, Rhinebeck, Rhinebeck!!!
As for the food in Austin---well just let me say it's AWESOME! So many great restaurants and street vendors to explore and so little time. There was a street vendor with the most amazing cupcakes and on Tues. which was my sons birthday I had a carrot cupcake in his honor. Super Yummy! It is safe to say that I ate my way through the emotions that I was having. I ate at a different mexican rest. virtually every night. It was wonderful and then I came home on Friday and had and still have swollen ankles and sore feet and after packing all day yesterday a sore knee. Which brings me to this moment when I say to you now, I know why I want to be eating a healthy "live it". Because I am sore and it is painful and all of these signs are simply my body saying "hello, wake up, quit torturing me. Now I must listen. So for today I will share with you that I am enjoying 1 gallon of distilled water and the juice of 1/2 lemon. It's time to let go of the junk that I thought was my comfort because let me tell you that I am not comfort-able now! I am very UN-COMFORTABLE! On the plus side of moving to Austin I found the whole foods grocery store that is the headquarters for the company and it is one of the most beautiful grocery stores that I have been in. I know that they will always have amazing healthy options for me. Farmers markets are a real bonus there as well--I can't wait for all of the local fresh produce.
Speaking of letting go- I am really not loving this packing thing, although I will say that it really forces me to see all of the "stuff" that I have. I am forced to ask myself once again if I really need all of the things that I have. In some situations it would be fine to let go of the objects that I have not used or even forgotten that I have. And just when I am ready to let go emotion swings in a that little voice in my head says "do you really want to part with it?" I seem to always find a way to justify something.
Today my pastor said something that hit home for me. She said, "if we have to justify something-then there's something wrong. Hmm, I know that there are many times that I have to justify things in my mind quite a bit. I imagine that when I do that there are many things that are wrong. Do we blame others? she asked. Do I listen when my heart tells me something or do I do what I want and think I will reconcile it later?" I thought that all of these statements were very poignant and I have thought about them all day. Even when I went to the grocery store and thought I will just buy a package of oreos and share them with the kids and start my "live it" tomorrow and then I paused and thought to myself--"self, what are you doing?" and I passed right by the cookie aisle and bought my water. It was not so easy though. How many times a day do we go about life and we do not even stop to listen? Listen to our bodies, listen to our thoughts, listen to the words of others speaking to us and most of all do I listen to what spirit says to me? I must admit that I need more time in the silence to listen.
Letting go is probably one of the hardest things to do and yet it can also be one of the most important things that we must learn to do. For it is in the letting go of things that no longer serve us that new and greater things come to us. Blessings beyond our wildest dreams.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
June 2, 2012
I finally did it--I am writing my first blog entry. My idea when I began to think of writing a blog was to share my journey for the next year and beyond..... I have decided that it will be a good idea to knit from my stash for a year and to not buy any more yarn. Yes I am going on a Fiber Fast. Eek! I know that it's hard to believe that a tried and true knitter could ever utter those words. I must confess that there are going to be a few exceptions as I am a member of a few clubs and I also may need a few skeins to finish some projects that have been started and other than that no new projects are to be purchased. I know that sounds like an excuse and my intent is to give more results than excuses. Let me give just a bit more background information as to why I would even want to consider a Fiber Fast. My friends Elizabeth and Rachel and I have committed to each other that we are going to go on an adventure to Rhinebeck, NY October, 2013. Keeping that in mind we also decided that in order to secure the massive funds that we plan to spend in Rhinebeck the best way to do that would be to go on a Fiber Fast and knit from our stashes. In theory the idea sounds great. I figure if I knit my stash down then I will have no guilt whatsoever about doing some retail therapy in Rhinebeck. Sounds good eh? Think of the money I can save if I don't buy yarn the way I do now. You don't know me, just trust me that I could save some serious money. I have been a knitter for 39 years (did I admit that outloud?) and I have quite a stash built up and I am pretty excited about all of the things I have on my to do list. The official date of the start of the Fiber Fast is June 17, 2012. Let me explain why--The LYS where I work is having a Unique Sheep Trunk show and since they are one of my favorite yarn suppliers I just know me and know that I can't pass up a chance to get some more of their yarn before the fast starts. You know how when you decide to go on a diet the day before you start you eat all of your favorite foods? It's the same with yarn for me. In fact, since I decided to do this I have actually been building my stash more--it's awful. Come on, you know that if you were me you would choose your start date the same way. teehee.
As for the second part of my blog-the healthy aspect let me explain a bit. I know that I am getting healthy with my yarn consumption and I don't know how many of you realize that when we have an addiction in one part of our life that it spills in to one or more aspects of the rest of our life. For me I have an addiction to food. All sorts of yummy food. I know all of the right foods to eat as do most of us. And I know the proper consumption of water that I need to be drinking each day. Combined with the proper amount of exercise that I could be doing each day. I sound pretty smart--right? I actually am really smart and yet there is a part of me that has ignored doing all of the right things for my body.
SOOOOOO I thought what a great way to get myself on track with doing the healthiest things for my body and my life than to blog about my journey. I want you all to know that it is my goal to lose 100 pounds over the next year. I need to be a little clearer I am choosing to lighten up 100 pounds over the next year. (I must be mindful of my conscious language patterns) I can't believe I said it out loud--Whew do I feel better.
I actually have a plan and that is to go back to eating a raw food "live-it" (love conscious language) Many years ago I lived a raw food lifestyle and felt amazing and looked amazing and then one day some emotion that I can't even name set me on an unhealthy path and I have made excuse after excuse of why I had gained the weight. Some of them include: daughter leaving home, being on steroids, gall bladder removal, husband losing job, and the list goes on and on. The truth is that I am the only one who can control what does go in my mouth. It seems to me that in the past I have allowed emotions to rule my hand to mouth actions and all that did was to add the inches to my hip, thighs, buttocks etc....you get the picture I am sure.
I know that to maintain a healthy balance it is important to do it in all aspects of my life and so I am combining two of my favorite aspects that I am working on deeply to share in this blog. I know that this is going to be quite a journey-- a fun adventure and I can't wait to share each step with you. I am holding a theme in mind as I begin this journey and that is am I giving a result or an excuse for my actions.
I challenge each of you to choose an area of your life where you might choose to have some more discipline and join me on this beautiful journey of life. Each day is a new beginning.......
I finally did it--I am writing my first blog entry. My idea when I began to think of writing a blog was to share my journey for the next year and beyond..... I have decided that it will be a good idea to knit from my stash for a year and to not buy any more yarn. Yes I am going on a Fiber Fast. Eek! I know that it's hard to believe that a tried and true knitter could ever utter those words. I must confess that there are going to be a few exceptions as I am a member of a few clubs and I also may need a few skeins to finish some projects that have been started and other than that no new projects are to be purchased. I know that sounds like an excuse and my intent is to give more results than excuses. Let me give just a bit more background information as to why I would even want to consider a Fiber Fast. My friends Elizabeth and Rachel and I have committed to each other that we are going to go on an adventure to Rhinebeck, NY October, 2013. Keeping that in mind we also decided that in order to secure the massive funds that we plan to spend in Rhinebeck the best way to do that would be to go on a Fiber Fast and knit from our stashes. In theory the idea sounds great. I figure if I knit my stash down then I will have no guilt whatsoever about doing some retail therapy in Rhinebeck. Sounds good eh? Think of the money I can save if I don't buy yarn the way I do now. You don't know me, just trust me that I could save some serious money. I have been a knitter for 39 years (did I admit that outloud?) and I have quite a stash built up and I am pretty excited about all of the things I have on my to do list. The official date of the start of the Fiber Fast is June 17, 2012. Let me explain why--The LYS where I work is having a Unique Sheep Trunk show and since they are one of my favorite yarn suppliers I just know me and know that I can't pass up a chance to get some more of their yarn before the fast starts. You know how when you decide to go on a diet the day before you start you eat all of your favorite foods? It's the same with yarn for me. In fact, since I decided to do this I have actually been building my stash more--it's awful. Come on, you know that if you were me you would choose your start date the same way. teehee.
As for the second part of my blog-the healthy aspect let me explain a bit. I know that I am getting healthy with my yarn consumption and I don't know how many of you realize that when we have an addiction in one part of our life that it spills in to one or more aspects of the rest of our life. For me I have an addiction to food. All sorts of yummy food. I know all of the right foods to eat as do most of us. And I know the proper consumption of water that I need to be drinking each day. Combined with the proper amount of exercise that I could be doing each day. I sound pretty smart--right? I actually am really smart and yet there is a part of me that has ignored doing all of the right things for my body.
SOOOOOO I thought what a great way to get myself on track with doing the healthiest things for my body and my life than to blog about my journey. I want you all to know that it is my goal to lose 100 pounds over the next year. I need to be a little clearer I am choosing to lighten up 100 pounds over the next year. (I must be mindful of my conscious language patterns) I can't believe I said it out loud--Whew do I feel better.
I actually have a plan and that is to go back to eating a raw food "live-it" (love conscious language) Many years ago I lived a raw food lifestyle and felt amazing and looked amazing and then one day some emotion that I can't even name set me on an unhealthy path and I have made excuse after excuse of why I had gained the weight. Some of them include: daughter leaving home, being on steroids, gall bladder removal, husband losing job, and the list goes on and on. The truth is that I am the only one who can control what does go in my mouth. It seems to me that in the past I have allowed emotions to rule my hand to mouth actions and all that did was to add the inches to my hip, thighs, buttocks etc....you get the picture I am sure.
I know that to maintain a healthy balance it is important to do it in all aspects of my life and so I am combining two of my favorite aspects that I am working on deeply to share in this blog. I know that this is going to be quite a journey-- a fun adventure and I can't wait to share each step with you. I am holding a theme in mind as I begin this journey and that is am I giving a result or an excuse for my actions.
I challenge each of you to choose an area of your life where you might choose to have some more discipline and join me on this beautiful journey of life. Each day is a new beginning.......
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