Time to "get in the groove"

It seems that I am having some issues with "getting in the groove".  Do you ever really want something bad or think you really want something and yet it just doesn't seem to come to fruition?  I have to say that is where I have been for a time now.  Moving really does take something out of a person.  For me it has meant starting all over in a new place where I know no one and really I don't know much about the place where I am living.  I know that I am in the great state of Texas where everything is BIG and yet I really don't know much more than that.  By nature I would say I am fairly extroverted and I imagine that my friends would say that I am extremely extroverted and yet what most don't know about me is that there is a part of me that enjoys the peace and quietness of life.  So I believe that this move has allowed me to take some time to unwind if you will-time to decompress from the move and from life and all the yanks and tugs that life puts on us.  I figure no one really knows me here, so now is the chance to take some time to get "me" in order.  To do some contemplation and meditation and to get in touch with what has been keeping me from my goals.

In my mind I know everything that is required to get my body in the shape that I desire it to be.  I know exactly the proper nutrition that it needs.  Movement and exercise are required and I know the amount of water that it needs and I also know the things that it doesn't need.  For most things in life I believe that we know these thing innately.  We pretty much know what the resulting consequences of our actions will be--would you agree?  When I started this blog it was to work on two specific areas of my life, to write about them, and to share my journey over the next year and a half to come.  What I didn't think about was how working on any area of your life if you are serious about, it affects all areas of your life.  For example have you ever noticed that when you really want to focus on saving money and getting your financial "house" in order that things show up or happen that really just blow your plan?  I know that when I decided that I was going to get  caught up with all my bills and get all of my credit cards paid off then all of a sudden the Universe put many other financial things on my plate for me to take care of too.  My car all of a sudden needed $1500 worth of work and then a hospital bill from eons ago that I thought insurance had taken care of all of a sudden needs to be paid or it goes to collections etc. etc.  You get the picture?  I think that the same thing is happening with my weight as well.  I say that I want to work on it an boom- I find every excuse in the book to avoid it.  I go to the grocery store and stock up on the m&m's (I love the peanut butter ones) and I get bbq chips and dip.  A few bottles of wine and a jug of margaritas for mexican fiesta night which we have at our house every Friday.  We call it Fiesta Friday at our house and it is our tradition to have mexican food and a family movie.  A tradition that we continue even though our kids are mostly grown-we all love it!  The list goes on and on.  Then I was absent from this blog because in my mind all I had to write about was failure.  The truth is that it is hard to admit our failures and yet that is where we learn the most about life is in our failures. While I had been making bad choices about food I have been doing great with the yarn.  I will explain about the yarn in a moment.  I want to stay on the topic of food for a moment longer.  Last night I realized that I was totally sabotaging myself.  I don't even know why.  In fact I can think back over my life and look at the patterns in my life and see all of the ways that I have self sabotaged.  So for part of this journey that will be a part of my healing.  I wanted to share will you that I will be looking at my patterns and working to see if I can find the underlying program that is sabotaging my eating habits.  I don't know if you have ever thought about it or not --I think that we are kind of like mini computers and through out our life we have been programmed to believe one way or another or think one way or another.  Does this make sense?  I can think of things that I do or say because my mother told me to do it that way and so I do.  I was just programmed to do things a certain way.  It's not right or wrong it just is.  As I get older I recognize those things that I learned and that I never questioned and sometimes I wonder why.....And this is where the growth for me begins.  When I begin to question and search out answers and deeper meanings to things this is where I begin to see life in a whole new way.  About now you are all probably tired of my rambling so I will get to my point.  Last night when I realized the sabotage I decided to sign up for a class where I can explore things on a deeper level so that I can find some answers inside of myself and begin to heal whatever it is that is hurting.  So this morning is a new day and I am on a new path to discovery.  I will keep you posted.

Now for discoveries I have made about yarn.  Last week I decided to have my hubby help me carry in two of my bins of yarn from the garage (oh yeah, you know it there are more than two --I had to start somewhere)  I began to write down the yarns and the patterns and compiled a list so that I could begin to knit from the list.  I have one list of sock yarns and sock patterns(smallish projects)  and the second list is sweaters and shawls and other various projects.  Is this making sense?  I thought that if I wrote them down on paper and began to cross them off the list as I knit them it would give me a sense of accomplishment.  What I didn't count on when I started this project was that it would be such an eye opener to ALL that I have.  From those two bins and a basket of yarn in the house I have 79 projects complete with both yarn and patterns.  I would say about 30 skeins are sock yarns and could perhaps be used for scarfs or shawlettes.  Who needs that much sock yarn?  Up until now I've been going by the yarn harlots rule that sock yarn doesn't count for your stash and now I think I need to reconsider that rule.  Elizabeth, my friend .who I am doing this fast with says that all yarn counts for this fast(even sock yarn) : (  And really, now think about it, who needs 30 pairs of socks?  What was I thinking?  I can tell you that at the time I was thinking "oh that it is sooooo beautiful and what yummy socks it will make" etc. etc.  And now I am thinking who can I make socks for-I don't need thirty pairs of socks to wear : )  As for the other projects I am thinking --what was I thinking?  I have nearly 50 shawls and sweaters, purses and projects just waiting for me to make them.  I have to just say that writing it all down was probably the best thing for me because I can tell you that I went to two yarn shops last week and while I did look at all of the yarn I did not even think about buying some--woohoo!!  I would say that is some progress.  I have been working on my two mystery shawls from the Unique Sheep--One that I am doing online and one that I am doing through a yarn shop.  I am also working on a test knit and I am working on socks for an international sock swap.  I have the lists posted in the front of my notebook and look at them daily as a reminder of how blessed I am to have so many beautiful projects waiting for me to make them.  As I look at the lists I am thinking about the order in which I will knit them.  Some will be for gifts so I may have to start them next.  What I have decided to do first is that I will not cast on any more new projects until I finish what I have started.  That will include not only the ones that I just described but also two other shawls that I have on the needles waiting in their bags for me to give them some attention.  I have a friend who has her own system and that is- she has seven projects going at one time.  She works on one a day and she rotates them through the week so that she doesn't get bored and so that she eventually will have completed seven different projects.  She said that when one projects ends she starts a new project in it's place, she never doubles up.  I think that this is a cool idea that I might try in the future.  I also have another friend who only works on ONE project at a time--really?  Who has the will power to do this?  Perhaps I should try his method???  For right now I must get my test knitting and swap knitting finished so I can't really try it now.  I will definitely keep their methods in mind for the future.

I want to leave this post with just a few final thoughts.  I have 64 weeks until the Rhinebeck fiber festival that my friends and I are going to.   My goal is to lose 100 pds by the time I go which means that I need to lose 1.56 pds per week to meet my goal.  So I've decided that from now on I will post my weekly progress.  I am only going to weigh in on Monday mornings.  In the past I would weigh every morning which made me crazy so I am doing something new this time.  This will be a good way to stay accountable.

As for the nearly 80 projects that I have to knit I know that it is impossible for me to be able to knit through them all in 64 weeks.  I do have to sleep!  I am ok with that.  I believe that if I can knit through 25 to 30 of the projects then I will feel good about buying new yarn at Rhinebeck.  I am open to any thoughts that those of you reading this might have.

My action thoughts for today are to list 5 things that I do to sabotage myself and then 5 things I can do to counter act them.

Above all have kindness and compassion and love for myself and I hope you do the same for yourself.